One night, while taking Honey outside, I dropped a paper plate on the ground. When I picked it up, I started to walk backward. I didn't see where I was going, as I was walking, I stepped on something and it squeaked. I looked down and saw a little field mouse. I called for Daddy and he came running. The mouse was squirming and twisting because I stepped on it. It wasn't fully dead yet. I yelled,"It's a mouse"! So Mommy came to see. As soon as she saw it flipping around, she said," I can't see an animal dying." So she quickly went inside. I asked Daddy if we could save it, but he said it was too late. I went inside to bring Honey in. And Gabby said that it was dead. So Daddy took a bag and picked the dead mouse up and threw it in the trash can. I felt bad that I had killed it. But Mommy said it was okay. After that incident, I wanted to make a mouse trap. The trap above is the one I made. But I didn't get any mice yet. Mommy said if I caught one, I could maybe keep it. So every night, I put the trap in a quiet hidden place, waiting for a mouse to fall in!!
Danni and I are babysitting Clyde,the guinea pig,for friends who are out of town . We have had him for three weeks.We used to tap on his cage because he looked like he was dead,as he slept on his side with his eyes partially shut.He looked at us as if we were inconveniecing him in some way. When he hears us crunch the spinach bag,he lets out a loud squeal,as if to let us know that he is there and he is hungry! He used to be afraid of us and avoid our hand when we would try to pet him.Now we bribe him with carrots.
He is so funny he makes us laugh.He is a lot less work than when we had rabbits.We did some research on what he could eat.We tried to feed him celery after we gave him spinach,carrots and cucumber peels...he would have nothing to do with the celery.He has become quite a picky eater,but we have pampered him because he's cute.He has long dagger nails.We let Clyde listen to guinea pig videos and he started to make all sorts of noises! This video is of 'special forces' guinea pigs...which Clyde is not G- Force! Clyde is special to us and we love him just the same.......
I have to admit,I was never one of those young girls who dreamed of horses,like my daughter Gabby. Gabby knows all about horses,the different breeds and their purposes.Some are for walking in front of a plow,some for transportation, others for entertainment such as westerns,commercials and horse shows.These days,they are using horses as therapy for physically and mentally challenged folks,imagine that! The horse that I am most drawn to,are the race horses.Aw,not that I like going to the horse races but rather I love seeing films about real race horses that shouldn't have won,but did! Against all odds,some of these Triple Crown winners,should never have won that title.
Why do I so much enjoy watching the race?Because it reminds me of the race I'm running.As a follower of Jesus Christ,I can't help watching as the horse starts out bad as a foal.A mistake,sired by bad blood,good for any other purpose BUT racing.The owner sees something that no one else sees and they wait patiently.Then something amazing happens....The horse likes to run,and fast.They have this insatiable need for speed.They want to please their owner.I think,isn't that what I want to do? I came into this world covered in sin,not really good for anything at all.Surrendering my life to Jesus,to cover my sins and make some sense why I exist,something happens....I want to run! I want to please my Owner,who sees something in me,His reflection.So He waits patiently while I learn from Him,through obedience and trusting Him.I cannot do enough to show Him my gratitude for hanging on that wretched cross for me,for my wickedness.The price He paid for me,a sinner with a death warrant.So,I run the race....
"My son,do not forget My teaching,but let your heart keep My commandments,for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you.Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you;bind them around your neck;write them on the tablet of your heart.So you will find favor and good success and the sight of God and man.Trust in the LORD with all your heart,and do not lean on your own understanding......"[Proverbs 3:1-35]
I watched Secretariat, a film based on the life of the Triple Crown winner in 1973.For 25 years no horse had won this esteemed and highly honored title.Not only did Secretariat win,but he set race records for all three races,and they still stand today. I noticed how much work went into training this beautiful beast.Day and night,trial and error....the horse still wants to run.When his mouth is abscessed,he still takes the bit and races.Though he loses that race,he still ran it,while in pain.
As a follower of Jesus Christ,I am running this race that I cannot help,but run even when my heart is broken and weary.I am moved by the Holy Spirit to hear and then obey what God calls me to.With every step of obedience,I find myself getting further and further from what is comfortable.When the LORD commands me, "Go and adopt My little children,even if man questions your ability,your race,your age,your income to provide for them","You are my daughter,dress like you are the daughter of the King,even if man scoffs at you"."Go and share the Gospel even when you will be rejected and shown contempt by man"."Don't listen to man and his foolishness of disciplining children,they are Mine and I will give you wisdom and discernment,though you will still be ridiculed by the fool." "Teach your children about Me day and night,even if the world says I don't exist...they will hate you for it, but lift up your eyes to the hills from where your help comes from.It comes from Me,who made heaven and earth.I will not let your foot be moved;I,who keep you,will never slumber.....I am your keeper,I am the shade on your right hand." [Ps.121:1-8]
I stumble... I yell at my children out of impatience. I fall...I walk by someone without sharing the good news because I'm afraid of rejection. I am stubborn, prideful,mean spirited at times,fearful, but I run.I run because I was made to run this race.I was called to run this race.
I repent,turning from my sin and keep running,"Brothers,I do not consider that I have made it my own.But one thing I do:forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." [Phil.3:13-14]
I love the last scene in Secretariat.I notice how every eye is on that horse.They cannot believe he is so far ahead of every other horse in that race!The looks on the people's faces speak volumes of their awe at this horse that wasn't supposed to ever be there,but there he is, out in front.I too,have a cheering crowd as I run this race.All of heaven is cheering me on because my Owner is with me,is in me.He is the One who set me apart,knowing I was made for this race,knowing I am going to win this race!All for the Glory of the Owner of my soul,Jesus Christ!
"Therefore,since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses,let us also lay aside every weight,and sin which clings so closely,and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,LOOKING TO JESUS, the founder and perfecter of our faith,who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross,despising the shame,and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."[Heb.12:1-2]
.....As a horse prepares for the race of his life,the LORD has given me everything I need to run the race of my life!
"Not even a sparrow,worth only a half a penny,can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to Him than a whole flock of sparrows." -Matthew 10: 29-31 While walking in the woods one day I heard a sad, lonesome tune.I looked up into the branches of an ol' cottonwood tree and saw a little sparrow looking right at me. I asked her why she made such a mournful sound and her reply to me was,"I have no food to eat,no warmth from my mother's feathers,for she has flown away and I am alone and scared." "Why,that's terrible! How can this be?" I exclaimed. I asked,"What about the Blue Jays, won't they come and cover you with their beautiful blue feathers?" The sad little sparrow replied with an anxious trill,"They will not come, for I do not wear their color upon my breast." I asked with sadness,now in my voice," What about the Robins,won't they come and feed you?" The sad little Sparrow replied with an anxious trill,"They will not come,for I am small and have nothing in return to give them for their time." " What about the black birds,surely they will help you?" The sad little Sparrow replied with an anxious trill,"They will not come,as you well know,they already keep many babies.They haven't room for one more." Now my heart,heavy with fear for this sweet little Sparrows plight, I spoke ever so softly,"The great horned owl would come and care for you,they are good at listening and they can see well,that you are vulnerable and afraid of the dark." As soon as the words were out of my mouth,I realized I will be wiser than the wise owl. I have listened to this twittering heart and have seen her trouble,"Little Sparrow,though I do not look like you, I will cover you with my warm hands.Though I haven't much money, I will feed you. I have many children but little bird, you too,will be treasured as my own babies are.And little bird.....I am much more wiser than the wise old owl, for you see, I have listened and heard well from the Maker of these woods. To take you home and make you mine, I take the very heart of Him who made you, with me. The little Sparrow looked into my eyes and, as her way of showing her joy at this news, she let out a song so beautiful and then hopped on my shoulder and we went home together.I now travel these woods, listening very carefully for the sound of little birds in search of a mother.......
This story is dedicated to my 5 little sparrows. The LORD is faithful,and His eye is surely on the sparrow.........
Honey is a Deer-head Chihuahua. She is only 3 months old. I named her Honey because she is the color of honey. I got her as a birthday present from Mommy and Daddy. They bought her from a lady in our neighborhood, who sold chihuahua puppies. I have had her for three weeks now. Every night, after we are in bed, Honey and Cracker-Jack, my sisters dog, get a treat after they go outside,so Honey learned to sit on the kitchen rug and wait patiently for her treat. Honey loves to play with her small tennis balls and squeak toys. Every time I throw a toy for her, she will catch it and bring it back like a golden retriever. She will never get tired of playing. Honey also tries to play with Cracker-Jack, but he will growl at her so she will leave him alone. She has a lot of energy(as puppies usually do).When I lay down on the couch with her, she will snuggle up close to my neck. Honey loves to cuddle. Honey is a little smaller than a guinea pig and is small for her size. We used to have a small Chihuahua mix that was 3 months old and was twice as big as Honey. The lady Mommy and Daddy bought her from said that she was "the runt of the litter". I think that's why she is so small. Honey loves to run around our backyard and she runs like a cricket.
Honey is almost potty trained and is a quick learner(chihuahuas usually are). When she is potty trained, I want to teach her some tricks like Sit, Stay, Come, Down, Shake, Dance, Bow, Wave, Speak, Give a Paw and Roll Over. One trick that I never taught her is Sit Up. When I open the refrigerator and get a treat out for her, she will sit up on her hind legs expecting the treat. Honey is very gentle when she takes a treat from me. When we are watching a movie(usually one that has dogs in it), Honey lays down and watches it too.
Many people cannot fathom a loving God who would have babies born,only to be abandoned.Here is my answer to their question.....
We have taught our children that it's not even a matter of being abandoned. God,in His infinite wisdom and divine Providence,created the situation in which our children would be born and later left in a place to be found. They were never meant to be with their birth parents. God uses us all in ways that will bring glory to Him.Adoption is that means in our children's lives......
A child can look at adoption in one of two ways: Self pity.They are the constant victims of someone else's sin,be it birth parents,government, economy,etc. or they can look at adoption with gratitude,at God's mercy and kindness towards them. John MacArthur says that," God has a purpose for both good and evil.God is holy and content to leave the responsibility of evils existence and action with Himself." God did not create evil.It is impossible for God to do evil.He willed that it exist.But why? Charles Wesley said,"The reason God ordained evil is for His own Glory! God is made infinitely more glorious because evil exists.We praise Him for what He has done to overcome evil." Our unrighteousness{example:an abandoned baby} demonstrates the righteousness of God on display! {Romans 3:5} So God demonstrates His mercy and kindness through adoption,but adoption cannot happen without someone being abandoned.{Almost too beautiful to conceive}!!!
I hope this helps our children understand that there abandonment has EVERYTHING to do with God's glory and that they can count themselves used by God to actually show off His Glorious Mercy! What a beautiful position God has allowed our children to stand in!
This evening,while sitting around our table at suppertime,Daniel asked a question for any one of us to answer."What was different today in our home church service,that you would never see in a mega church or a modern church?" Well,we all took our turns...Gabby said,"All the little kids were sitting down ready to listen,they weren't running around." It was a good answer and it was true,the younger children knew what was expected of them,it was time to settle down and listen,but that wasn't the answer Daniel was looking for.Then Danni said,"Children were with their parents."Again,great answer,but not the one Daniel was hoping for.
Daniel said,"Mr.McMains
was doing something that
you don't see happen in churches any longer." Then I knew what he was talking about, because I noticed it too! Mr. McMains is one of the leaders in our small home church.
His wife and their daughters who live at home,take care of their 2 small adopted children,as well as foster care children.Well,the leaders in our small church take turns giving the message and leading in Communion.Today happened to be Mr. McMains turn and what caught our attention was the fact, that while he was telling everyone the outline of the sermon,he had their 2 year old son on his lap,turning up his pant cuffs,so he wouldn't trip over them later.That single image spoke of the kind of church Jesus would feel welcomed in and one of which He spoke of in the New Testament.
"And they were bringing children to Him so that He might touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw this, He was indignant and said to them," Permit the children to come to Me, do NOT hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you,whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all. And He took them in His arms and began blessing them, laying His hands on them." Mark 10:13-16
How far the modern churches have strayed from this kind of teaching.Do children really feel the love of Jesus,the love the churches 'talk' about,when they are herded into Sunday School classrooms like cattle,separated from their parents? The very ones who are given the authority and commanded to ....."bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the LORD."[Eph.6:4b] It makes one wonder,why churches are so hostile towards the very ones that Jesus welcomed into His arms and blessed them! Are we sacrificing our children on the altar of our selfish,self centered culture or perhaps choosing a subtle lie that says,"Children need their space" or "I'm not qualified to teach my child" or even," My child needs to have fun and they won't sit still long enough"? These are pressing questions that beg an answer......
"Hear,O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one.You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might.These words which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart and you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up."Deuteronomy 6:4-8
A year ago,Gabby,Danni and I ventured out with my sister and my two nieces to see 'The Hobbit:The Desolation of Smaug'.J.R.R.Tolkien writes allegories very well and so many of them can refer to adoption and the challenges and adventure of it's many twists and turns. I got very excited and encouraged by the story,I wanted to share it with you all,that it perhaps,would encourage you too. I don't know how much you know about The Hobbit,as I will admit,I am learning a lot from my two nieces who have read and reread all J.R.R.Tolkien's books.
There is this hobbit,Bilboa Baggins, who loves his safe,cozy,quiet home in the Shire.Everything is peaceful.The villagers are simple,kind folk and good natured. One day,an old family friend named Gandalf, pays Bilboa Baggins a visit,asking him to go on an adventure with him and these 12 dwarfs who are wanting to claim the mountain that was rightfully theirs,but was taken over by a dragon. Bilboa Baggins thinks about this and is interested until one of the dwarfs hands him a contract that says,".....time spent,funeral arrangements,he might have lacerations,and be incinerated." One of the dwarfs says,"Think furnace with wings." Then Bilboa passes out! When Bilboa comes to, he tells Gandalf,"No", he won't go. Gandalf then says,"When did doilies and your mother's dishes become so important?" The next morning Bilboa wakes up to a quiet house.Peaceful. No dancing,singing,adventurous talking dwarfs.Just quiet.....Bilboa goes from room to room,and seems content for just a moment and then remembers the lure of adventure just the night before.He signs the contract and runs to catch up with the dwarfs and Gandalf. While starting out on the journey,Bilboa states they,"have to go back to the Shire,"as he forgot his handkerchief. One of the dwarfs tares off a part of his old,dirty jacket and throws it to Bilboa to use as a hankie. Gandalf says to Bilboa,"You'll have to manage without pocket handkerchiefs and a good many other things Bilboa Baggins,before we reach your journey's end.You were born to the rolling hills and the rivers of the Shire.But home is now behind you,the world is ahead......"
ADOPTION is just that....an adventure.After looking over the contract,knowing we have to come up with money,listening to certain family and friends comment on how crazy we are or just discouraging us at every opportunity,the unknown child[ren] we will pursue, risking getting hurt in the process, we long for that adventure deep within and signing the contract,we rush out the door on the adventure called Adoption! The journey we take in adoption, takes us further and further away from what we know. Comfort,familiarity and peace.We now become a target to the enemy,like Bilboa Baggins. Nothing is as it seems any longer. But we are still driven to this adventure.Could it be that we are called to this? Something that the LORD wants us to partake of? He wants to share something very intimate with us who share in the adventure called Adoption.
Peter was just like that,as well. He saw Jesus walking out to the boat....on water! He wanted to share in that adventure,that experience and Jesus wanted Peter to partake of that.There was one stipulation though....Peter had to keep his eyes on Jesus or he would sink! Throughout the adoption process,we have to keep our eyes on Jesus to relish this adventure,to savor the fullness of what Jesus is wanting to share with us.I am learning that even now,I am still on this adventure even though we are back safely, with all our children.These are the same children that satan tried so hard to keep from getting home.Now they are home and the attacks still come. I am realizing that the process to 'go get them' was preparing us for the WHOLE journey....the raising and telling them about Jesus,living out the Gospel before their eyes.Praying over their salvation,over them daily is all a part of the adventure and the 'going' is the preparation for the long journey...their Spiritual lives.
Actually,there are so many more allegories of adoption in The Hobbit. I have been encouraged and wanted to pass this on to you who have adopted or are in the process of adoption.Money needed,encouragement scarce,doubt about your ability to stay the course are all the raging seas that we are not supposed to look down at.We must keep our eyes FIXED on Jesus. He invites us on this journey and He will see us through the dark forces of evil,just like Bilboa Baggins and the dragon.....
One thing I forgot to add....in the beginning Gandalf says,"I am looking for someone to share in an adventure that I am arranging,and it's VERY DIFFICULT TO FIND ANYONE."Bilboa Baggins replies,"I should think so in these parts! We are plain,quiet folk and have no use for adventures.Nasty,disturbing,uncomfortable things!Make you late for dinner"!
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart,and do not lean on your own understanding.In all your ways acknowledge Him,and He will make your paths straight."{Proverbs 3:5-6}.
Many years ago,Daniel's uncle and aunt heard the LORD calling them into missionary work in Mongolia.Before they left,they sold everything they owned.We went to say our goodbyes and as we entered their home,I noticed it was bare.I couldn't understand how they could do that.I had a difficult time understanding how they could just up and sell EVERYTHING!Now,I had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ then,but I didn't understand then what I've come to understand now.When Jesus calls ,IF I am closely walking with Him and listening to His call,I will obey Him.
Well,in 2008,we were comfortably settled in with Gabby and Danni who were not toddlers any longer,but giggly girls of 7 and 4. I was homeschooling and teaching the girls fiddle.Daniel nor I thought anything about adopting from China again,as we knew we were past the age of acceptability to adopt.The LORD began speaking to us,this time through our eldest daughter Gabby."Mommy,you can adopt from Africa."Well,we looked into it and sure enough,they honored older folks,like Daniel and I.Well,one thing we have come to accept....Whenever we set out to adopt a child,the minute we sign those adoption papers,it never fails that satan is right there to discourage us,cause us to question our ability to raise another child.We started doubting and thinking about finances,sleepless nights,more poopy diapers[now tell me,how many 53 year old men do you know who are willing to change poopy diapers at 3 a.m.?]
long plane rides and strange foods!What did we just sign on for?!
The LORD,we have learned,speaks to us wherever we are.He meets us right where we are at.At this particular moment,we were watching a movie on Mother Teresa's life.Mother Teresa was having heart trouble and the doctor told her,"You need to slow down and not do so much."Her reply to her doctor is what changed our hearts..."I have all of eternity to rest,in heaven.But for now,I need to be doing the LORD'S work."....So,we continue to obey and press on.
The financial part of the adoption process comes more easily for some than for others. Daniel is self employed,a painter like his dad.I am a stay at home mother with the task of raising two daughters in the LORD and teaching them at home. We are a one income family.Well,we were due to pay another portion of the adoption fees[covers paperwork,documents,agents doing a lot of legal work both in the States and in Ethiopia.These are real jobs and these people need to be paid too].We didn't have the money and we were due to pay $ 3,000. very soon! So,we began to pray for the money needed. "Let us therefore draw near with confidence to the throne of grace,that we may receive mercy and may find grace to help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16. Well,our prayers were answered,but not in the way we had expected...... Pulling up into our driveway,after getting groceries with the girls,we found the front door wide open! Someone had broken into our home.The casing around the door and the drywall were all smashed in with electrical wires sticking out. I checked inside the house before I let the girls come in,in case someone was still there.After getting the girls out of the car,I quickly called Daniel.It's such an eerie feeling to know a stranger was in our home.I found myself more upset that they dumped the trash out so they could use the bag to load up on our belongings! I must have been in shock because all I could think about was how they dirtied up my clean kitchen floor! Well,we called the police,but they couldn't do much but take a report for the insurance claim.They told us to make a list of everything that was missing.....Daniel's guitar, hunting rifle and spotting scope were gone along with the TV, DVD and Camcorder.I found that my huge jewelry box was gone,as well.I had pretty jewelry.Oh,it was costume jewelry,but it was pretty.
I was so angry and I began to suspect everyone who drove by[I'm sure my neighbors would appreciate knowing this].I kept asking the LORD why He allowed this to happen when all we were trying to do was adopt a baby! The answer came a few weeks later when we received our insurance claim check from the robbery.It was a check for $3,000. and I immediately began to write a list of all the places I was going to shop to replace my beautiful jewels! It was then I heard a voice that I have come to know so well.....my LORD and Savior Jesus Christ....."Tammy,this money is not for you".
Right then I knew our prayers had been answered ....and through a robbery,of all things!
Romans 8:28 says"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God,to those who are called according to His purpose." I love when the LORD does that!
When a circumstance in my life reveals God's word to me in such a way that His word isn't just a Scripture verse,something to memorize,but it is a fire in my soul and it is living and breathing in my life! Well,not only did we have the adoption fees for the last part of our adoption before going to Ethiopia,but the LORD gave me peace about being paranoid of all the people driving by our house"casing the joint" for another robbery!
9 months later, we finally arrived in Ethiopia.It was after dark and our guide took us to the guest house.It was dark inside and when our guide went to turn the kitchen light on,there were bugs crawling all over the walls, floor and counters! I was mortified! I kept my composure long enough to say goodbye to our guide,for the evening.We went to our room and I began to cry! I told Daniel that we were leaving the very next morning! I slept with the lamp light on,so the bugs wouldn't come near me through the night.Daniel quietly reminded me why we had come...I remained self centered and cried myself to sleep[I can only imagine what the Ethiopians think of this very immature, American woman]!
The next morning,I awoke to the wonderful smells of eggs and toast and the sound of English voices! I quickly took a shower,as Daniel had already gone to breakfast and I could hear him talking and laughing with the other American couple,who were also adopting .The sun shone through the bathroom window and I was excited for the first time since we landed in Addis Ababa,Ethiopia!
Things were looking brighter.The LORD may pull me out of my comfort zone,but He always gives me a cushion to rest on.Today,we were going to meet our new baby! Esther Asegedesh came to us with TB.She was 16 months old but was wearing 9 month old clothes.Her birth mother died of TB and Typhoid and her father couldn't care for her by himself,so she became ours....
Esther Asegedesh cried when she saw Daniel and I.She cried the following day when we came to visit the orphanage.On the third day I came prepared... I brought a chocolate bar! I cannot describe the joy of Esther! So tiny and those huge deep brown eyes! Her skin color is my favorite candy color...Hershey Kisses.And so appropriate! When I look at her,even now at 7 years old, I can only hear the voice of my Master saying to me,"Tammy,I returned your jewels to you, her name is Esther."
In 2003,the LORD pressed on our hearts to go once again,in search of a baby girl from China.[I don't think our hearts ever left China since coming home with Gabby].So,after a year of paperwork,we prepared to travel to China in 2004 with our 3 year old Gabby,to get our daughter Danielle Xu Qian,who was only 14 months.
While at the airport,Daniel's dad Roger and my folks prayed over the 3 of us as we got ready to board our flight for Hong Kong,China.I will never forget the quiet in the wee hours of the morning with the sun just peeking over the mountains as we prayed in the airport restaurant,giving thanks to such a Mighty God for all His myriad of blessings.At the time I didn't realize just how much the LORD was going to show me in such a beautiful picture,how deeply He loves me.
Gabby proved to be a wonderful little travel companion,as she soaked everything in and making conversation with those around her.We stayed the first night in Hong Kong and really enjoyed getting to know our group,which was made up of 11 families,including ours.Everyone enjoyed each other and as with all groups,their were some funny ones who kept everyone in such high spirits throughout the trip!We went to one restaurant and there was a lazy susan in the middle of this very large,round table.Well,the hostess brought in a steaming tray with noodles and what was that?! Tiny squid!
Gabby picked one up and asked what it was,to which I replied,"Honey,that's squid,you can either eat it or take it back to the room and play with it."All I got from her was a rather crooked smile!
Well,the next day,we headed inland to Nanchang,China.We were told Danielle was found by an employee on the steps of a Civil Affairs Bureau and they turned her into the police there.She was found in a box with 10 Chinese Yuan which is the equivalent of $1.20 U.S. dollars.We didn't know until later,the significance of that money and what it was for.....a burial.Seems to my best understanding,is that Danielle had a mother who loved her so much,she placed her in a public place to be found,but if she died,she wanted her to have a proper burial.This mother loved her baby....
On October 31,2004,after getting settled into our hotel rooms,everyone was called to meet in a conference room near the lobby.We all came in and everyone waited to hear their names being called.We watched,and cried,as families were called to gather their babies from the nannies.The looks on these new parents faces were priceless,as they held their babies close and looking down at their new pride and joy with tears in their eyes....then we heard our names.I held Danielle to my chest and...she cried!She sure had some strong lungs on her.I thought she may very well end up an opera singer.We were then told to take our precious,priceless,bundles to our rooms and change them,look them over,in case they had anything that needed immediate medical attention.Danielle Xu Qian didn't come to us cooing and doe eyed.Instead,she came to us crying and sobbing,her face wet with shed tears.Her hair and skin didn't smell sweet or look clean and shiny,no.Instead,she came with patches of hair completely missing,a flat head in the back,jaundice skin and black thick dirt under her long fingernails.[We were told later that she had a serious vitamin D deficiency]. Danielle came so different than I expected.NOTE:Never! And I mean never! Underestimate where the LORD is going to speak,how He is going to speak,what He is going to say and assume you'll be ready when He does.....I sure wasn't!
Back in our hotel room, as I undressed her,taking off the torn and tattered sweater and the stained shirt that had been patched together several times,God whispered into my heart"This is how you came to me." After giving her a bath,I went to put on new clothing,the LORD continued to speak to me,"And this is how I covered you."It was such a profound moment for me! I still have Danielle's orphanage clothes with all her baby memorabilia,and every time I take them out,I am sweetly reminded that I too,was an orphan.Like Danielle's plight,I came to God with nothing but a sin stained soul and the promise of death and He sent Jesus to rescue me.To save me from death.But not only that,He could have stopped there,but He didn't.He gave me a new name....His.
"Surely,just as I have intended so it has happened,and just as I have planned so it will stand."
-Isaiah 14:24
When Daniel and I married in June of 1985,I did not want children.The thought of raising children frightened me because I would be completely and fully responsible for another human being and shameful to admit,I knew raising children would mean giving so much of my time up for another person.Well,14 years passed and I was quite content with my simple life.I was decorating and gardening and everyday was really about me.The LORD began stirring my heart though,in another direction....His! Up to this point,my relationship with Jesus consisted of Bible study and prayer."But prove yourselves doers of the Word,and not merely hearers who delude themselves."[James 1:22] comes to mind....The LORD began speaking into my heart,the call to adopt...from China, of all places! Daniel always wanted children,so he was excited and felt the LORD speaking to him, as well.But he was a little more uncertain about the 'where' I felt led to go.After much prayer,we started the process.Through the adoption process,which was a little over a year,I would struggle with giving up,myself.It seemed everywhere we went,we would see a little Chinese face in a crowd whether at a restaurant,a shopping mall or a park.The LORD had a hold on me and was NOT letting go.I found my'self' wrestling with the LORD'S plans,which I thought at the time meant turning my perfect world upside down!One day,I was in the Christian bookstore and came upon a book,'The Strength of Mercy' by Jan Beazely. Like the gentle,loving but firm Father that He is,the LORD spoke to me through this book,to let go of 'me' and hold firm to His hand as He proceeded to 'add' to the story of my life.
Can you tell how much I DON'T LIKE change?! Especially when the change means moving out of my comfort zone! I also struggled with the lies from Satan....which came in waves. Lies such as,I wouldn't make a very good mother or,my life would change and I would feel like a prisoner.Thoooose lies! I came across another book from Max Lucado and tucked within it's pages was an encouragement from the LORD...."When we live in our fears,we will look back on our lives and find that we have not lived at all." This quote from Max Lucado set me back on course....for awhile.John 4:18 says,"There is no fear in love;but PERFECT LOVE casts out all fear,because fear involves punishment,and the one who fears is not perfected in love."These words kept me going forward,as I struggled with my flesh and the sin of being self -centered.[What an understatement].
Well,we were just a week from traveling to China and I had a panic attack! Never had one of those,so this was a first and it was a doozy! I felt as if my world was about to be knocked off it's axle and this adoption was going to be the biggest mistake I ever made!Daniel and I drove to a nearby park and he shut off the motor and started reassuring me that everything was in the LORD'S plan.His favor.His blessing.And right from His hand! All I could see was my fear.Paralyzing fear.Dread.....But we went to China later that week.
We met a most wonderful couple, Rusty and Kim Rudasill,who lived in North Carolina[who became our lifelong friends].They too,were adopting for the very first time.We met at the LAX Airport and traveled together to Beijing,China.Once there,we realized our guide was nowhere to be found.Rusty happened to have the name of the hotel we were to stay at, written in Chinese.No one spoke English,so this came in handy to get a shuttle to our hotel.I will never forget looking out the window of the bus and seeing bare trees along the streets,and hundreds of people riding bicycles.There were restaurants with big windows and looking in,we were able to see red lanterns hanging and people eating bowls of noodles with chopsticks,laughing and enjoying their family and friends.The smells were like nothing I ever knew.....No, not the smells of sweet spices, but that of fish and diesel fuel coming from the cars and trucks!Well,on January 12th,2001,we made it to the Sino Swiss Hotel in one piece.
The next morning,I started to panic again.I was struggling with jet lag and still no sign of our guide.The four of us got back to the airport and found our guide waiting for our flight.We were on our way to the interior of China.Our destination? Hefei city.This is where our daughter was born.This is where she was left at the Hefei Orphanage gate.This is where she spent the first 14 months of her little life....
After a 3 hour flight,we found ourselves unpacking in the Holiday Inn,where we would be receiving our daughter shortly.Before we were unpacked,a phone call came through to our room....the orphanage director was waiting in the downstairs conference room with our baby girl.
All the fear and turmoil I had struggled with for over a year began to slip away and excitement took it's place.When entering the conference room,I looked at our daughter and a brand new fear came over me....WHAT IF I HAD NOT OBEYED THE LORD?!?!? What if I had settled for a life that I thought was the good life?To finally see, as I set eyes on this tiny, dark haired, porcelain beauty,that the LORD was trying to give me one of the most precious gifts He could give?! In THAT moment,I knew I would be more quick to obey the LORD at His command,for fear that I would miss out on the gifts that are right from God's own hand!
This is one of Gabby's favorite songs,one of mine too!I will never forget this journey of learning to trust my Heavenly Father with my life.He writes better stories than I ever could dream up for myself.....and the fear of my life changing?UNFOUNDED FEAR!Oh,my life has changed.For the best! My love for Gabriella is so powerful because the love I have for her is PERFECTED through the love of Christ Jesus [who gave up His life at Calvary,
so I too,could be adopted into the family of God].The love for my daughter supersedes any thought of myself.Funny how pure love makes me forget all about my'self'.......
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